But this situation is like Steve Carell’s character in Evan Almighty, who upon shaving his extremely bushy beard was faced with its extraordinarily swift growth. Likewise, after getting up, looking away and glancing back, the stain on the floor had returned. So I cleaned for a second time, then a third time, then a fourth. The stain was washed away and then returned again.

Upon wakening up I sighed with relief. It was only a nightmare. I headed on down to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water and then got the shock of my life. There really was a stain.

If anyone has cooked Indian food from scratch, they will have invariably have come across a bright orange spice known as turmeric, which is ubiquitous in Asian cuisine. You will also know that it stains, really rather powerfully. The blemish on my floor was a result of a major spill that occurred when I was cooking aloo sholay (a delightful potato and chickpea dish).

After cleaning the initial spill, I found that the powerful spice had left its dastardly mark. It was a Sunday evening and all the shops were shut. I could do little except get rid of the surface gunk. Dejected, I left it as it was.

Now this is not ideal. The key thing is speed, but “school-boy” error, I didn’t have any of the right cleaning products in my cupboard. So, rule number one is to be prepared. The longer a stain is left, the harder it will be to remove.

Rule number two is to make sure you have the right cleaning products and equipment. You need protective gloves, oxygen cleaning powder, a spray bottle of water and a sponge. That’s it, that’s the “killer combo”.

There are other products you can use, like white vinegar or bicarbonate soda, but your best bet is oxygen powder. One thing that is definitely needed is “elbow grease” – you really have to work at scrubbing the stain, which comes after leaving the product on the blemish for at least 30 minutes to soak up the dirt.

Mind you, there might be some residual colour left. This is inevitable. It might never be completely removed, but each time you clean your floor, it is sure to disappear over time. And then you can truly rest easy and dream of lush green grass and colourful rainbows. Turmeric can stay in your cooking.

For some of those who cannot push their pad on the property market, ‘life happens’ and circumstances change: they become what is being referred to as an ‘accidental landlord’.

This doesn’t mean they’re clumsy like, I don’t know, Inspector Clouseau – it merely reflects that they have, by reasons outside of their control, stumbled into the unknown world of property management.

Marie Parris, managing director of George Elliot Property Services, explained that these newbie landlords need to be aware that managing a gaff is not an easy business, after all, for many, it’s their profession.

There are laws and guidelines to be conscious of, and thus, it pays to get familiar with the jargon associated with being a landlord.

“One can also go to landlord associations and various exhibitions where you can get access to experts – but getting that knowledge is really important,” Ms Parris suggested.

“Obviously don’t forget the letting agent – a letting agent that’s accredited I would say. You don’t want to go to an agency that isn’t accredited because more often than not they don’t have client bonded insurance and if things go belly up the landlord has lost there.”

Another thing that accidental landlords should be aware of is self storage, which can be a great asset. If you’re finding that your new life managing tenants is encroaching on your space – literally – a self storage unit can solve that. Move extra items, stock, equipment and furnishings into one and breathe a little more easily with the knowledge that everything is in one handy location.

It can be a really interesting experience for people grafting as a landlord and who knows, it might even be something they like doing, a new career path, the beginning of something spectacular.

We can pretty much say that with all certainty, most people want to own their own home. It’s just one of those things that we aspire to, like securing the dream job, meeting ‘the one’ and owning the biggest library the world has ever seen.

What’s that? The last one isn’t on your wishlist? Oh, that must just be me then (one is rather fond of the character of the Bodleian Library in Oxford).

Now, as we know, the economy is taking its time to wake up, stubborn in its insistency to crawl along at a snail’s pace, waiting for that glorious spark that reinvigorates this great country.

This malaise, so to speak, impacts on all areas of life, least of all in the housing sector. For people wanting to get a foot on the property ladder, times are tough. Sure people are saving but it’ll take a while to secure a tidy deposit and even then, banks are very cautious.

However, there are solutions, like considering joint ownership. Now, while this may take the sting out of the buzz of exclusively owning your ‘own’ pad, it is, nevertheless, a beautiful thing to have your name attached to a home. It’s an achievement.

Bearing all this in mind, the National Association of Estate Agents (NAEA) has come up with some hints on how to make shared ownership as smooth as the surface of a pebble.

Consider your mortgage options

Shop around as there are mortgage deals out there that deal with purchases pertaining to joint ownership.

Think about the worst case scenario

Things change, that’s part and parcel of life – get the legal stuff out of the way through a lawyer.

Keep paperwork in order

Very important – paperwork relevant to the property and mortgage should be in the names of the co-buyers.

Don’t forget who owns the TV

Chalk up a comprehensive inventory that outlines, in detail, ‘what’s yours, what’s theirs, and what’s ours’.

Set a realistic timeframe

“If you are buying with a friend it is likely that the relationship is, ultimately, temporary,” the NAEA notes. Discuss future plans like being bought out or selling for a profit. 

Carpe diem!

What’s that? You don’t know your Latin? Sacre bleu! Huh? You don’t know your French?!

Carpe diem translates into “seize the day” and indeed, come this bank holiday, Ellie Tennant, an interior design journalist, would like you to grab the weekend by its collar and make it one for DIY.

It’s not simply a matter of having something to do – although the extra day is a blessing in that regard – it’s about “doing something that needs doing”. Ms Tennant cites research done by Artex that claims 20 million British homes are in need of some kind of home improvement. 

It’s also a great time to get out the tool bag and tins of paint from the self storage unit they’re housed in because of the lousy weather. There’s nothing like grey skies and incessant rain to make you not want to stay at home, snuggle up on the sofa and watch DVDs.

Ms Tennant also points out that because the summer is going to be especially busy, what with the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and the London 2012 Olympic Games, these essential jobs might be missed. What starts out as a small problem might turn into a big one – you know a crack that is easily fixable splintering into an expensive nuisance. Get with the DIY mindset.

To begin any DIY project, make a plan of your home, she advises, working out what needs to be done in each room and then taking each one on in “bitesize pieces”. For anything that is outside of your comfort zone in these rooms, hire a professional.

“”I think it’s important if you’re in any doubt at all that you get somebody in, whether it’s heating, electricity or plumbing,” Ms Tennant comments.

“There are jobs where you need to get somebody in who knows what they’re doing because there’s safety involved. Anything to do with electrics where you don’t know what you’re doing you should definitely get an electrician in for.”

Now once everything is done, your home is looking spick and span, and all the nooks and crannies are ironed out, you can treat yourself to a Monday where you and the family kick up your feet and enjoy a DVD marathon in your considerably smartened up castle. Seize the day all right.

Space; the final frontier – indeed it is. If you know a thing or two about the great cosmos, it’s that it’s expanding. Into what, I don’t know, gosh, that’s a question even the greatest minds of yesterday and today can’t really figure out. All I can say for certain is that space is, like its very apt description, really rather roomy. There are literally, stretches of just empty space. Legroom is not a problem up there in the firmaments of heaven.

Meanwhile back on earth, space is a pressing issue in all areas of life, and in the confines of the home, this subject matter is intense. One immediate way of remedying the predicament of space shortage is to declutter, quite severely, and relocate items into a self storage unit for safe keeping.

Other tips are more creative, which Dulux, one of the world’s biggest paint brands, has been kind to share. Rebecca Thompson, colour and design manager at the company, suggested people look at acquiring low level furniture, which can help “walls to breathe”.

“Tying elements of colour into different spaces helps to connect them and give them an identity throughout rather than feeling too sectioned,” she said.

“You can still get a sense that it doesn’t feel too limited – looking at tone or colours can help to create a bit more interest. There’s a bigger market for open plan living now, and it’s actually a very difficult thing to create the right zones.”

With regards to ground floor self-contained flats, Ms Thompson, observed that the challenge here is creating an open space that allows people to continue living and operating in a multi-functional space.

“Living room and kitchen might be in quite close proximity, so it’s almost looking at it to figure out how you can balance fluidity with having defined zones, making it usable while maximising space,” she commented.

Like Captain Kirk or Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek, you too can be the master of space. All it takes is a little savoir-faire, a bit of thinking outside of the box and a mentality of being tough with superfluous things, though important, Live long and prosper and may the space be with you (yes, that last bit is Star Wars). 

Before I start, allow me to say that this is not a joke. Let me repeat, this is no jest. I thought I’d go ahead and make a disclaimer from the get go. This is, despite being April – the month of tomfoolery – oh so real.

Werner Aisslinger, a German furniture designer and artist of sorts, is growing a chair. Yes, you heard right, ‘growing’. I’m not having a ‘moment’ and mixing up ‘making’ or ‘crafting’ for the word ‘growing’. I know, it sounds mad.

Mr Aisslinger’s green seating device is realised through the use of a perforated steel sculpture, moulded into the shape of a chair, which is constructed in such a way that it allows whatever vegetation is used – like a vine or bamboo – to grow naturally until it reaches its maturity.

Once that has been achieved, the artificial frame is removed – which is reusable – and behold, an eco-friendly, fully-functioning and rather pretty chair is left. Voila! Now, although this idea is part of an installation, a critique of our over-dependence on mass produced furniture, there is a lot of potential in this concept becoming mainstream.

The benefits to the planet are immense. Not only does it reduce exporting wood from all four corners of the world, thereby reducing traffic across the oceans and above in the air, but it cuts back on deforestation.

And, if we all become semi-professional “green furniture producers”, we allow ourselves to create bespoke furniture, which we can either use to furnish our own homes or sell on. We make money and we save money. Now that’s something you can’t knock!

Of course, the only downside, so to speak, is the fact that growing furniture might take a while, so if you’re in desperate need of a chair or bed frame, you might find yourself in a bit of a pickle. However, if you know a thing or two about plants, you’ll known that bamboos are one of the fastest growing plants in the world.

It’s reported that some species of this plant can grow up to 100cm within a day. If that’s the case, then the problem outlined above is thereby solved. Isn’t that amazing? This could be the start of something revolutionary.

One of the great 20th century American novels is the Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald’s story about the lives of the wealthy elite during the Jazz Age. Everything about it exudes a sort of enviable life, the yearning to be part of ‘high society’, and getting there through whatever means are at one’s disposal.

From the soirees to the clothes to the houses they live in, the reader cannot help but be caught up in the world because it sounds, from a non-judgemental point of view, as the kind of life we all want. However, it’s a cautionary tale, a tragedy even, something that can be garnered from the opening chapter.

The narrator, Nick Carraway, recalls some advice his father gave him when he was a child: Whenever you feel like criticising anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”

1920s American, aka the Jazz Age and the Roaring Twenties, was a great time to be alive, was also a time of art deco, the stylish design aesthetic that principally originated in Paris and spread across the world. It was a look that fitted in perfectly with the sensibilities of the time – after the horrors of the Great War, people wanted to enjoy life; they wanted to be surrounded by beauty. Art Deco was an answer.

In the year that a new, big budget film version of the classic novel comes to the screen – starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Toby Maguire – art deco is ‘roaring’ its way back. As spring flourishes, so too does art deco.

The art deco look is defined as being bold, geometric and almost minimalist in construction, simple chic designs that pack a bang with their coolness. There is something futuristic about it too.

When looking to create an art deco home, think about a crisp presentation. You need to declutter the home entirely – relocate everything into a self storage unit – and then get out a pad of square paper and starting working on your maths. This is perhaps a slight exaggeration but understand that subtle order, regimented even, is important in achieving a ‘good look’.

As for palate of colours, limit yourself to sapphire, metallic tints, neutral hues and black. The colour is important but unlike bold shades, here they embody restraint… elegant.

Laura Ashley does a great serpentine sapphire drape and an irresistible side table, Christy has a decent range of cushions that are graceful and understated and Newgate Clocks, which has the most stupendous range of clocks I have come across, has an extensive range of art deco-types to choose from.

Once you’ve achieved your look, enjoy with a martini – stirred – or cocktail – Manhattan of course. This is the good life.

The gut reaction, for both men and women, is disbelief: “I don’t get it – that ten foot high hat and that puffed up dress is impossible to wear, just what is haute couture?

Indeed. But, as the icy Miranda Priestly notes with cool indifference in the chick-flick Devil Wears Prada, from catwalk to high street involves a process of creative reduction from elaborate pieces to wearable items.

“That lumpy blue sweater, for instance because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back,” she explains with precision.

“But what you don’t know is that that sweater is not just blue, it’s not turquoise. It’s not lapis. It’s actually cerulean. And you’re also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns.”

The lady doth have a point. In much the same way, interior design can also be influenced by fashion, which is proving to be the case this spring as furnishings capture the mood and look dominating the scene.

Three looks are coming to the fore, seasonal in scope. This includes bright tangerine, floral imagery and a very nautical aesthetic. Each look can be used on its own in the home as a bold statement – imagine a home that’s kitted out in purely luminous orange! – or mixed together effectively to deliver character. It also suggests nous.

I recommend you consider getting floral printed cushions as these radically transform sofas and chairs. Imogen Heath does a great selection from the demure to the oh so lavish.

Nautical is best achieved in a subtle way – introduce signature pieces like stripy blue cutlery and kitchenware. Sprinkle with sort of haggard looking wooden pieces – dining table, chopping board and even frames – and you’re on your way.

With tangerine, think about feature pieces and objects that immediately stand out because of size and usability. A glowing duvet can create energy in the bedroom, while orange chandeliers and lampshades add colour in a powerful way.

Dubbed the greatest show on earth, the London 2012 Olympic Games is going to have an impact on all of us. Businesses up and down the country, from corner shops to pubs to retail units, will be focusing their efforts on modifying their respective services to take advantage of and celebrate the goliath of a sporting event.

Storage, always a pressing issue for many businesses, especially small to medium ones, will be a decidedly pressing issue this year. Not only will bosses have to contend with their usual load of goods, they will also have to factor in the barrage of Olympic related supplies, which will invariably reduce the amount of space available.

The ideal way to get around this is for business owners to invest in a nearby self storage unit. Convenient, spacious and affordable, a self storage unit can be considered as an off-site extension and frees up much needed space needed to match the Olympic fever that will, without a shadow of a doubt, beguile us all.

It makes sense for bosses to do an audit of existing stock to figure out what can be stored long-term in a self storage unit – for example, many pubs and restaurants have a healthy collection of backup glasses of all types, which they don’t necessarily need immediately in such high numbers.

Beyond the Olympics, this way of freeing up space can become an important part of a how a business organises its stock and how it operates. It helps bosses to streamline what goods have a fast turnaround and what products can be kept out of sight because of their nature, i.e. they’re seasonal. A well-organised, austere storeroom can bring calm to the working environment. It’s a win-win solution.

Thus, when that dim echo picks up pace and becomes louder and louder, the nation, united, will be able to make the most of this wonderful sporting event. It is a once in a lifetime kind of affair. Let’s make the most of it.

However, basements, which feature heavily in homes in the US for example, can add a lot of space to a home in a unique way. They have historically been absent from UK properties because wet climate countries aren’t that suitable for such additions. That has now changed with new developments in design and the addition of technology.

Rosie Caley, design director at BasementWorks, has noted that it is relatively easy to add, especially if you live in London as the subsoil is, for the most part, sand and gravel. It’s a very workable land.

But before you consider installing a basement, think about what exactly you are going to gain from the extra space and what it is to be used for? It has to have a suitable function, a room that adds to a home and is not merely there as an empty space. It is a dramatic change.

“By putting a basement in, you are doubling your living space. It’s not like a loft conversion where you can gain another bedroom and maybe a bathroom, or a kitchen extension where you make the back a bit bigger,” said Ms Caley.

“With a basement, you are essentially completely changing the way you use your house, the way you store things [and] the way you move around the house on a day-to-day basis. So if you use a good designer they will be able to help you rethink the way you use the house.”

If people are short of ideas as to what the basement can be used for – it is popular as an oversized utility room in the US – it can serve the function of being another family room or a great place to set up a fantastic media room. This isn’t just about a punchy home improvement system with a colossal TV as a centrepiece, but also a space that has, for example, a pool table and arcade machines.

For those with a fondness for fine wine, a basement can be developed to be a modern, state-of-the-art wine cellar, a suitable place to house one’s investment in ideal conditions.

Because this will involve a lot of work, homeowners should sign up to a self storage unit, which will be a great place to store tools and equipment during the development, as well as other belongings when work is complete. No doubt once the basement is done, the rest of the house will be modified and excess belongings can be safely relocated out of the home for safe keeping.